Barack Obama's Secretary Of State

Right now it looks as though Barack Obama's field of candidates for his administration's Secretary of State has narrowed to a three horse race between Hillary Clinton, Bill Richardson and John Kerry (who would be automatic if I'd said "horse face" rather than "horse race"). Apparently Obama is turning to former political rivals to fill this critical foreign policy post since his friends have already shown disdain for our democratic allies.

Let me give some Washington outsider advice to the President Elect (and need I remind you, if his acolytes had listened to my advice we wouldn't be in the quaking quandary of calling him "President Elect"). When you line up the three candidates, who is the best of the worst?

John Kerry? Are you kidding me? While previous attacks on Kerry introduced the verb "swift boating" into pop dialogue, they also did something a little more important: they revealed the truth about John Kerry. His political and military careers are more fabrication than fact. This petticoat purse chaser constructed (and even filmed) bogus Vietnam data only to come back from the war to accuse his comrades of atrocities. He then joined the Senate and began a career that truly defined the word "atrocity." This is not the guy we want representing us to foreign leaders.

Bill Richardson? Likable guy, but you wouldn't trust him to pet your chinchilla. Face it, the Clintons made this guy's career. When Bill Clinton appointed Richardson as the U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations it threw him into the international spotlight. Unfortunately, he didn't pay much attention while he was there since he is oblivious to even the most obvious UN facts, like Russia's veto power on security resolutions. However, despite his ostrich-like observations, he did provide some support to the White House when he gave Monica Lewinsky a "shut your trap" position on his staff. Bill Clinton later appointed Richardson as the U.S. Secretary of Energy. And how did Richardson reward the Clintons for building his career? As soon as he saw the nomination tilting for Obama he hitched his political wagon to "The One" by endorsing him, instead of Hillary, for the presidency. So, while Obama may be tempted to reward this turncoat, he should remember that the high-priests didn't trust Judas either.

Hillary Clinton? What a loudmouthed, arrogant, contentious witch -- exactly what Obama needs in his administration. Listen, if you've been following The Khaki Elephant than you know that I am not a fan of the Clintons. Hillary is a left-wing ideologue who would take this country in the wrong direction. That said, I trust her more than Obama. While I don't agree with her on a number of issues, she is smart, tough and a cunning negotiator. If I had an international squabble, I'd want her on my side. And if you're choosing between these riders of the apocalypse, despite the baggage of Bill, she is far and away the most qualified choice.