Barack Obama's Secretary Of State

Right now it looks as though Barack Obama's field of candidates for his administration's Secretary of State has narrowed to a three horse race between Hillary Clinton, Bill Richardson and John Kerry (who would be automatic if I'd said "horse face" rather than "horse race"). Apparently Obama is turning to former political rivals to fill this critical foreign policy post since his friends have already shown disdain for our democratic allies.

Let me give some Washington outsider advice to the President Elect (and need I remind you, if his acolytes had listened to my advice we wouldn't be in the quaking quandary of calling him "President Elect"). When you line up the three candidates, who is the best of the worst?

John Kerry? Are you kidding me? While previous attacks on Kerry introduced the verb "swift boating" into pop dialogue, they also did something a little more important: they revealed the truth about John Kerry. His political and military careers are more fabrication than fact. This petticoat purse chaser constructed (and even filmed) bogus Vietnam data only to come back from the war to accuse his comrades of atrocities. He then joined the Senate and began a career that truly defined the word "atrocity." This is not the guy we want representing us to foreign leaders.

Bill Richardson? Likable guy, but you wouldn't trust him to pet your chinchilla. Face it, the Clintons made this guy's career. When Bill Clinton appointed Richardson as the U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations it threw him into the international spotlight. Unfortunately, he didn't pay much attention while he was there since he is oblivious to even the most obvious UN facts, like Russia's veto power on security resolutions. However, despite his ostrich-like observations, he did provide some support to the White House when he gave Monica Lewinsky a "shut your trap" position on his staff. Bill Clinton later appointed Richardson as the U.S. Secretary of Energy. And how did Richardson reward the Clintons for building his career? As soon as he saw the nomination tilting for Obama he hitched his political wagon to "The One" by endorsing him, instead of Hillary, for the presidency. So, while Obama may be tempted to reward this turncoat, he should remember that the high-priests didn't trust Judas either.

Hillary Clinton? What a loudmouthed, arrogant, contentious witch -- exactly what Obama needs in his administration. Listen, if you've been following The Khaki Elephant than you know that I am not a fan of the Clintons. Hillary is a left-wing ideologue who would take this country in the wrong direction. That said, I trust her more than Obama. While I don't agree with her on a number of issues, she is smart, tough and a cunning negotiator. If I had an international squabble, I'd want her on my side. And if you're choosing between these riders of the apocalypse, despite the baggage of Bill, she is far and away the most qualified choice.

SNL Palin Skit: Same Ole, Same Ole

By now I'm sure most of you have seen the SNL skit starring Tina Fey as Sarah Palin and Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton. If you missed it, step on over to Nikki's Blog and check it out (Oh, I could have just linked it to NBC.com, but props out to my girl).

Fey's impression was quite good, but I couldn't help thinking that SNL was just giving us their same ole take on GOP candidates: Republican politicians have the intellectual capacity of a lobotomized box turtle. In this skit, Hillary Clinton (who was elected to the Senate in a state where she had never lived because her husband was President) is portrayed as a savvy but bitter politician while Sarah Palin (who rose from PTA mom to Governor of Alaska through her own grit, intellect and determination) is portrayed as an ignorant bimbo.

So according to the Left, George W. Bush is an illiterate moron, His dad's stupidity was only overshadowed by Dan Quayle's colossal idiocy, Ronald Reagan was a senile boob and now Sarah Palin is little more than a ditsy beauty queen. I have to hand it to them, what the left lacks in originality they make up for with misguided consistency.

You Can Lead A Clinton To Water . . .

Bill gave a fine convention speech yesterday. Not as strong as Hillary's (which could have been his lack of orange) but a fine speech nonetheless. In fact, for a moment I thought he might even take a sip from Obama's living water of hope . . . then I remembered what he had said just the day before.

“Suppose for example you’re a voter and you have candidate X and you have candidate Y. Candidate X agrees with you on everything but you don’t think that person can deliver on anything. Candidate Y disagrees with you on half the issues but you believe that on the other half, the candidate will be able to deliver. For whom will you vote?"

And then there was his comment earlier that:

“John McCain has the best record of any Republican running for president on the energy issue and on climate change.”

Could it be that the family from Hope is trying to sabotage the candidate of hope?

Barack H. Obama Claims The Nomination

According to CNN, Barack Obama has accumulated the delegates necessary to win the Democratic nomination for presidency, making history as the first African American candidate who has participated in racist-based theology, demonstrated limitless naivety concerning foreign policy, befriended an unrepentant terrorist, insulted working-class Pennsylvanians and thrown his own grandmother "under the bus" as a typical white person to win the nomination of a major political party.

"Tonight we mark the end of one historic journey with the beginning of another -- a journey that will bring a new and better day to America," Obama said. "Tonight, I can stand before you and say that I will be the Democratic nominee for president of the United States."

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton continues to see the emperor's new clothes draped across her hopes of nomination. "This has been a long campaign, and I will be making no decisions tonight," She said.

We all knew this was coming, so let's get ready to rumble.

Hillary Dominates The Kentucky Vote

I've spent years scrubbing myself scabby in disinfecting showers after the mere mention of the name "Clinton," so why do I find myself almost admiring Hillary's tenacious scrap in a fight she's already lost? Sure, she's not mathematically eliminated, but I need to stick with my previous declaration of her defeat rather than remote possibilities from mathematicians who have given us things like: If X^2 + Y^2 = 15, and X * Y = 5, what is X + Y? I mean, really. The fact is that Obama has already won the nomination unless some lethal skeleton clatters from his closet or he does something absolutely stupid, and what are the odds of that happening?

My almost admiration for Hillary surely doesn't come from her policy plans, which are just about as stable as my brother's bowels after a Texas chili contest. No, without a doubt it stems from her street-fighting mentality. I love a fighter and she kicks, bites, screams and just won't stop. And after her ego-pumping Kentucky victory, why should she?

“Tonight we’ve achieved an important victory,” Clinton told an enthusiastic crowd at her victory rally in Louisville, Ky. “It’s not just Kentucky bluegrass that’s music to my ears, it’s the sound of your overwhelming vote of confidence, even in the face of some pretty tough odds.”

Ack. Oof. Just threw up in my mouth. Anyway, you can't blame her for the Sally Fields display of enthusiasm, she didn't just beat Obama in the state, she destroyed him by a 2-1 margin.

“We’re back. We continue to raise money, we continue to win states. This thing goes on. I don’t know why people are saying this is over,” Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe told FOX News.

I've never worn a deerstalker hat, but I suspect that some people are saying this is over because it would require the Super talented Delegates of the Democratic Party to overturn the popular vote for Clinton to get the nomination. But forget about that for today. Let's live in the now. Bask in the moment. Once again the Clinton machine has thrust forward toward a climactic finally, and this time they didn't even use a cigar.

Political Bumper Stickers For My Car

I generally avoid putting bumper stickers on my car since I have an aversion to buying thoughts from a Walmart end cap then pasting it to my bumper to demonstrate how clever I am. However, this election is so important that I may stray from my long-held practice. I'm thinking about slapping a message to my bumper, but am so out of practice that I can't decide which one to use. Here are my initial candidates . . . Any thoughts?

Hillary Still Trying To Climb That Mountain

I just made it home from an exhausting business trip to New York and was going to lay off blogging for a couple of days to catch up on a few minor things like sleep and more sleep after taking a shower with soap that wasn't supplied by a hotel with the obvious intent of sanding off seven layers of skin. But while waiting for my flight from LaGuardia I heard a couple of TSA controllers speculating about Hillary's chances for a comeback with a confident, "Not for nuttin' but I thinks she could do it," and I felt the urge to write something about her continuing struggle no matter how incoherent it will seem in the morning.

As reported by Fox, the former first lady still has no intention of finishing second in this race.

“I landed in New Hampshire on a Thursday night down 9 points, and I won on Tuesday,” she said. “You can turn elections in a day. You can turn them in a week if you know what it takes to actually win. I believe I know with your help, that is exactly what we’re going to do.”

Forget the fact that the New Hampshire primary happened around the same time Republicans were preparing for Giuliani's coronation. And forget that Obama just pummeled her in North Carolina and was surprisingly close Indiana. And don't even think about the fact that several new Super talented Delegates moved into the Obama camp after Tuesday's results. Hillary is convinced that “It is a new day. It is a new state. It is a new election.” God bless the little engine that could, but it may be time to admit that Mrs. Clinton's choo-choo has run out of chug-chug.

Until Tuesday I still thought that the ole Clinton magic might keep her in the race long enough to pull a political Houdini and win the nomination, but North Carolina was a punch in the stomach that absolutely ruptured her chances. And worst of all, I now have a bitter taste in my mouth from agreeing with Ted Kennedy.

“It’s effectively a Barack Obama nomination,” said Massachusetts Sen. Ted Kennedy. “I don’t see any possibility of altering or changing that inevitable fact … I respect her decision, but it doesn’t take away from the obvious, an increasingly obvious, fact that this nomination belongs to Barack Obama now.”

Of course, it still benefits McCain for the race to continue so I hope Hillary keeps trying to climb that mountain. But I can't delude myself any longer. Barack Obama will be the nominee.

The Bitter Vote Carries Clinton

Exit polls in Pennsylvania showed Clinton hanging on to key voting blocs — women, seniors, whites, union members and lower-income households. The polls showed she was leading in union households by 57 to 42 percent, and among seniors by 60 to 39 percent.

That's right, those bitter gun toting Bible thumpers delivered their message: Barack, you may have some fancy book learnin', but you don't know nuthin' 'bout running a country. The rural Pennsylvanians have given Hillary Clinton her primary victory.

And here's what keeps buzzing around my head. Why do I see Hillary as some kind of Aesopian tortoise? Is it the Clinton mystique that makes me think that she could defy mathematical possibility and actually win this thing?

See Pennsylvania primary coverage here.

Political Trump Card: Race Or Gender?

Some recent posts on Ambivablog have had me thinking more about the role of race in both national and local elections. We'd all like to believe that the overwhelming majority of folk are beyond considering the color of a man's skin when they pull the electoral lever, color in the arrow, fill in the dot, punch the chad, or step to one side of the room to nominate a representative. And as I considered the possibility that race still plays a major role, it struck me that the consideration here may really (and truly) be about the color of a man's skin. The color of a woman's skin may be irrelevant to most people in most cases.

When the Clinton campaign sent Geraldine Ferraro on what I hope is a one-way ticket back to insignificance, I remember telling a friend, "I don't think Obama is leading in delegates because he's black. I think he's leading because he's a man. With her political machine, if Hillary Clinton were a man she would have wrapped up the nomination seven primaries ago." The fact is that women (or chicks, if you prefer) have long gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to intellectual respect, though most men will gladly acknowledge female superiority when it comes to fetching beer or making sandwiches. While the media is trying to decide whether or not Obama's race is a political positive, there is little doubt about Clinton's gender. Could Ferraro or any other forgotten player sanely attempt to claim that Clinton is only where she is because she's a woman?

Most of the current turmoil around Barack Obama focuses on his unsavory connections, his lack of experience, or his extremely liberal voting record. His race, considered solely in and of itself, does little to inform those conversations. In contrast, talk about Clinton is more likely to revolve around her cankles than her connections. Pundits seem concerned about how horribly she will age in the White House rather than what she might do once she is there.

Women have come far, but America's sociopolitical undercurrent continues to supply a constant, subtle drag on their aspirations. Just look at the subtleties. Racist jokes are always offensive to decent folk while jokes about blonde women can usually get a chuckle in the same crowd. Jabs at minorities are unacceptable, but start a sentence with "my old lady" and you can get away with saying just about anything. What is the best way to mock a man? Call him a sissy, a wussy (or it’s more graphic “P” sister), a pansy, a girly-man or any other comparison to the feminine. And don’t worry; these slights are protected by a long standing tradition of American sexism. Little wonder the sons of former African slaves were legally (if not actually) given the right to vote in this country before white women.

The role of Obama’s race may be debatable, but that is clearly not the case with Clinton’s gender. I am calling on this country to take a new direction. Stop talking about Hillary’s looks no matter how difficult that may prove. Stop referencing her visits from “Aunt Flow.” Strip away sexist stereotypes and start asking Hillary Clinton the same type of questions you asked her husband during his campaign. I will begin here and now!

My first question for you, Senator Clinton:
Panties or thong?

Oops, I think I just did it again.

Super (Talented) Delegates Really Might Decide: Clinton or Obama

Well, Hillary is back again. Just when you thought you'd heard the last of her spine-severing pitch, along comes Texas and Ohio. While Obama still retains the overall delegate lead, the race is a tight one and there are growing indications that the Democratic nominee will not be decided by the vote of the people, but by the will of "Super Delegates" who have been given this power because they apparently posses a talent beyond the scope of mere mortal voters that will allow them to override the people's choice if deemed necessary.

Many of these "Super Talented Delegates" (henceforth referred to as "STDs") have already attached themselves to one candidate or the other (though we have recently seen that when a candidate catches an STD they might quickly pass to somebody else). The remaining STDs are biding their time, presumably waiting to eventually infect themselves on the candidate who either wins the popular vote or is identified as most electable.

Winning the popular vote will take care of itself, but determining which candidate is most electable may prove a tricky proposition. But then it's tricky propositions that attract STDs.

There are certainly some electability negatives to consider concerning each candidate. For Hillary, well, the name "Clinton" will have Republicans opening their checkbooks faster than a revival sinner on Easter Sunday. And her forced smile is enough to send even the most loyal follower to confession ("Forgive me, Father, for what I am about to do in the voting booth"). And Barack, oh his inexperience consistently demonstrates a foreign policy naivety that makes Pebbles Flintstone seem worldly wise. And just wait for those charming I'm-for-change policy quips to fall under the scrutiny of Republican shock troops who are immune to Obamamania.

As for their positives . . . well, I guess the big one is that both of them are guaranteed to be running against a Republican.

So what will the STDs decide given the daunting nature of the task? Strike that. Why will the STDs decide? We now have a relatively small group of people who may well be making a decision that will impact the future of this country. I don't know about you, but I've tried to practice safe politics and it seems there is nothing I can do to protect myself from this. The STDs are here. The STDs may decide our future. Lord, I need medication.

Why I'm A Moderate Republican

I like rhinos. If I were in a scrap and needed somebody to have my back, well I feel pretty confident a rhino could cover me. But you drop that "H" and confidence drops along side it. And when my more conservative Republican friends call me a "RINO" I know what they're saying: "You're a Republican In Name Only and you don't have my back."

The problem with being a moderate Republican is that we come in all flavors with the possible exception of non-fat French vanilla. There are moderates who are conservative on fiscal issues, security/defense and education but moderate on social issues (hand in the air). There are moderates who are a tad liberal when is comes to spending but staunchly conservative everywhere else (Hello, Mr. President). In fact, you could look at virtually any issue and find Republicans with a moderate leaning on that specific topic while maintaining mostly core conservative roots. Yes, of course, there are also some real RINOs who lean to the liberal every chance they get.

Now, I happen to be a social moderate because I think the GOP was founded on reduced government intervention, which means that we don't send Uncle Sam peeking into wombs or bedrooms . . . kind of a creepy image if Uncle Sam is still sporting a goatee and that star spangled top hat. It's not about morality. It's about the government's role in our lives. But regardless of where you're moderate, the beauty of Republicanism is that there's room for all of us.

The Dems claim to be the party of diversity and will happily point to their current Presidential nominees as proof -- a woman and an African American man. Oh, sure they look different; she resembles a rabid warthog suffering from anal seepage and he's, well, sort of cute once you get past the ears (um, at least that's what my wife says). But when judging true diversity we need to peel away the shallow measurements of skin and gender. (Please, as tempting as it is, no comments that we should try it literally with these two. That would be wrong.) What are they like on the inside? How ideologically diverse are they? I have little doubt that if anybody could figure out what Obama actually stands for, the answer would be clear. They both want to turn this country into the People's Republic of America. Not a very diverse party when it comes down to it. I mean, when is the last time we saw a prominent Democrat who was pro-life? Who wanted to lower taxes? Who didn't champion excessive gun control?

Now look at the crop of Republicans who recently took a run at the nomination. Ron Paul is against the war, Rudi Giuliani is pro-choice and supports gay marriage, John McCain has his campaign finance reform, Mit Romney raised taxes and Mike Huckabee has a really funny name. Now THAT is diversity! THAT is the Republican Party. THAT is America.