Happy Christmas To All

Since many of you are not on Khaki's naughty list (and thus forced to receive snail mail from me containing an obligatory card, picture of my kids and whatever else might be found in the envelope) I've decided to post a portion of what I sent out to family and friends here.

Last year it was a Christmas letter.

This year it is a Christmas Poem.

So, Happy Holidays to all y'all out in the blogosphere

A Christmas Poem

From The Khaki Elephant

'T was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, thanks to delouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
Each with a name so we don't have to share

The children were nestled all snug in their beds

After teaspoons of Benadryl knocked them out dead
Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap
(Quite an embarrassing sight as we nap)

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I loaded my 12 gauge to settle the matter
Away to the window I lurched like Babe Ruth
Slipped on a Lego and busted a tooth

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Lit up my unshoveled driveway down below
When what to my wondering eye should appear
But a toy laden sleigh (oh those poor, poor reindeer)

A swaying thick driver, red-nosed I could see
It was either St. Nick or Ted Kennedy
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came
I love the word "coursers" but he called them by name

"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen!"
(Who named these Reindeer? Sarah Palin while blitzen'd?)
"To the top of the porch! To the top of the walls!
Be careful, we don't have insurance for falls."

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
When FEMA then handles their business so sly
So up to the housetop the courser they flew
(I used the word "coursers" again just for you)

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
No doubt costly damage from each tiny hoof
As I drew in my head and was turning around
There stood Ol' Santa, for now safe and sound

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his boot,
(Either that was some fake fur or Santa can shoot!)
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And I wondered if batteries where too in that sack.

His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
But his elves looked a little bit creepy and scary.
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And his beard was filled with brown cookies and snow.

The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth,
(Great example, dear Santa, got a cigarette wreath?)
He had a broad face and a little round belly
A sign he's been hitting the doughnuts with jelly

He was chubby and plump and jolly, no strife
So I set down my shotgun and gave him his life
He gave to know I had nothing to dread
"Til Obama is Prez and we're all seeing red.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And just for a moment I thought, "What a jerk."
But laying his finger aside of his nose
I knew it was "giving" not "taking" he chose

He sprang up to his sleigh, to his team gave a shout
And I felt I would miss him till next year no doubt
But he gave one last gift as he called taking flight
"Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!"