Columbus Day

I've never been a fan of Columbus, the man or the city in Ohio where Buckeyes (i.e., "worthless nuts") reside. As for Chris Columbus, the man who sailed to the Americas in 1482 not the director of a pair of Harry Potter flicks, I've always felt that the props he received over the years for "discovering" America were misplaced since the Vikings beat him by some 500 years. That said, I'm starting to grow weary of the PC Posse and their Columbus day attacks of "he couldn't discover America because people already lived here" or "he brought about the rape of paradise."

First of all, we all know what is meant by "discovering America" so can we stop the word games? Columbus came from a civilization that had a written language, so unlike the natives of the new land, he was able to communicate in perpetuity the nature of the world as he saw it without the "telephone game" of miscommunication that oral traditions create (for those of you who rely on oral traditions: Mackinac Island was never actually a giant turtle . . . and what the hell are you doing reading blogs?) Columbus gave us the vision of old America. In addition, Columbus' "discovery" brought inventions to the new world that allowed for the type of civilization that we enjoy today. Inventions like, say, the wheel. I don't know about you, but I for one am glad I can make it from my house to Montreal in a few hours, shaving off 30 days from Native American canoe trip.

Second, let's stop romanticising the "paradise" of the new world. Some Native American tribes practiced cannibalism, torched entire forests to destroy their enemies and sacrificed woman to the gods. My brother-in-law is a Native American and I have a deep respect for the many cultures and histories of America's first residents, but let's not pretend is was all love and flowers.

Finally, Columbus was Italian which means: Pizza -- perhaps God's greatest gift. So let's stop the nonsense and spend a few moments in recognition of this great adventurer.