Debate #3: Man, My Head Hurts

Since Stephen Green, the Vodkapundit, is a bit under the weather tonight and unable to drunkblog the debate, I thought that I might try my hand at it. I mean, politics and drinking while writing . . . who wouldn't want to be the Vodkapundit for a night?

It started with wine at dinner (stuffed salmon and a spinach salad) and then continued . . .

When to say when: a lesson that I sorely need to learn.

The keyboard is soooooooo far away. And . . .it's moving. In this light it kinda looks like a beetle. "Hello, Mr Z. So nice to see you so close to Mr. X." Ow, who left that Lego there? Kids . . . does partial birth abortion cover two-year-olds? www.pinkelephants/ -- no, http://www.khakielephant.com/ . . . screw this.

Now I'm tired. I'm sobering up. And my first (and probably only) attempt at debate drunkblogging has only proven that during a debate "drunk" is more appealing to me than "blogging." So, I'll leave it to the professionals. Get well soon, Mr. Green.

But before I go to bed to sleep it off, I'll at least take a few minutes to provide a buzzed reaction to the debate. And I'll do so without mentioning how many times I found myself shouting slurred rebuttals to both candidates (or how many times I wondered aloud if Bob Schieffer's faces was actually melting).

I was happy with McCain's start. He came out of the gate swinging and even dropped the line of the night, "I am not President Bush. If you wanted to run against President Bush, you should have run four years ago." But Mac just doesn't seem to be a finisher. By night's end it seemed primarily a repeat of previous debates, with the possible exception of Joe the plumber becoming more popular than the Beatles.

I think McCain did well and if an undecided voter was paying attention he/she would have spotted the conflicts and logic-defying platitudes of Obama's policy plans, particularly when framed by his legislative record. But we all know the attention span of undecided voters (who, if they haven't decided for McCain/Palin by this point clearly haven't been paying attention). I frankly don't believe that this debate helped the GOP candidate very much -- though I hope the alcohol has clouded my senses and I'm wrong.

As with previous debates, there are so many things that I wish John McCain would have said. Sure, I do appreciate him using a variation of my initial response to Obama's "we need to use a scalpel to cut spending." (Keep reading, John!). I just wanted him to drop something like:

• "Let's get this straight. On every topic tonight you've heard Senator Obama mention that fixing that issue will require more spending but then he still claims that he is going to give a tax cut to 95% of Americans. Sounds like we're going to need Joe the plumber to get that load of crap through the pipes."
• "Nobody at any rally has said that you're a terrorist because your middle name is Hussein or because, like al Qaeda, you wanted us to surrender in Iraq. But even Joe the plumber is wondering why you were launching your political career in the living room of an unrepentant terrorist. You weren't 8 years old when you did that, Senator."
• "Senator, you said that you want to help the auto industry in Detroit. Well, those 'big corporations' that you want to tax include Ford, GM and Chrysler, who have already laid off thousands of employees. Joe the plumber, I hope your business does well and you can start hiring because if Senator Obama's tax plan is put into place there'll be a lot of unemployed auto workers looking for work."
• "Pinocchio's nose grew when he lied. Senator Obama, is that what happens to your ears. Joe the plumber, did they look this gi-nourmous in the rope line?"
• "Senator Obama, your position on abortion is extreme. Your record is not pro-choice, it is pro-abortion. You told Planned Parenthood that the first thing you'd do as president is sign the Freedom of Choice Act that would allow for unrestricted abortions. At this point, I'm just surprised that you haven't introduced legislation that would allow Joe the plumber to just snake the little rascals out of a uterus."

Sorry, but that's enough for now . . . and please forgive any lapses in context, grammar or spelling tonight. Water, aspirin and I'm going to bed. Good night, ya'll. And a special good night to Joe the plumber.