Night Terrors For Matt Damon

Formidable political analyst, Matt Damon, is terrified of the possibility that Sarah Palin, a qualified woman who has served as a mayor and a governor, could become president after John McCain's death in office (which has apparently become a foregone conclusion among liberals). While explaining his belief that Sarah Palin was added to the McCain ticket for "political purposes," perhaps missing the point the politicians are appointed by definition for "political purposes," Damon pondered a Palin presidency.

"It's like a really bad Disney movie," [Damon] said. "The hockey mom, you know, 'Oh, I'm just a hockey mom'... and she's facing down [Russian] President Putin... It's totally absurd... It's a really terrifying possibility."

Other things that terrify Matt Damon:

• Hockey mom doctors who have gone to medical school
• Hockey mom lawyers who have passed the bar
• Hockey mom teachers who are certified
• Hockey mom police officers with training and a badge
• Hockey mom CEOs who have risen to the top of their profession
• Polysyllabic words

However, Damon is evidently fearless when it comes to the prospect of a memoir-writing legislator who has never written notable legislation in his brief career stepping directly into the presidency.