PETA: Hot & Sexy Women Don't Eat Meat

PETA is trying to use sex to turn us into vegetarians. Sure, it sounds crazy. I don't know too many guys who want to date a chick who won't eat meat? But People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (in which "ethical treatment" apparently means not smothering them with Uncle Iver's BBQ sauce) believe they have found the dietary G-spot with their new campaign promoting the concept that vegetarians make better lovers.

I'm not sure how effective the ads have been thus far, but they have certainly brought PETA the type of publicity they've lacked since the old days of throwing a can of red, lead-based paint on fur coats . . . which I always thought made them look more Christmassy anyway. The group's recent ads have been banned from the Super Bowl and protested on city streets, but have they thinned the lines at the butcher's counter?

It's too early to determine if the ad campaign is having the intended effect, but I have a pretty strong sense that it won't in the end. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Alicia Silverstone shedding her clothes for the cause, I just don't think it's going to make many guys hit the salad bar.

Let's face it, there are two things working against PETA in this campaign. First, the guys who want to sink their teeth into Alicia Silverstone tend to be the same guys want to sink their teeth into a nice, juicy ribeye. Yes, they would rather have a naked Alicia Silverstone than a naked Al Gore, but that's not going to change their preference to have a seasoned steak instead of a prickly pear. They're just not into the fruits.

The second more important thing working against PETA is the fact that eating (and thus hunting/killing) animals is environmentally sound, even more so than being a vegetarian. They are strapless in their uphill battle against truth. Here are some of the facts:

• Humans are not the only animals that cause extinction. In Cape May, Cumberland, Hunterdon, Salem, Sussex or Warren County New Jersey the deer population is higher than the human population. There are so many deer, wildlife biologists say that they are slowly forcing out some plant and animal species, just as humans have done. And that's not the only place. In Wisconsin biologists have also reported out of control deer populations damaging the ecosystem. They must be stopped! (in a monitored fashion, of course).
• Everybody's doing it. Many vegetarians eat their greens in comfort believing they have saved some animal from an Old Yeller moment. But large crop producers use lethal means to protect their produce from animals. Just write me when you find some lettuce labeled "predatory varmint safe."
• Hunting is taxed. The license, the guns, the ammo . . . all of it. And where does that money go? Through these taxes hunters and fishermen fund nearly 75% of the annual income for all 50 state conservation agencies. Without sportsmen and women there would be little money for environmental conservation.
• Hunting promotes safe gun practices. Think about it. Areas where hunters live are far less likely to have kids shooting one another in schools, drive-by cap action or gun related accidents in the home. Hunters tend to have a respect for firearms and to teach their children to do the same. So I'm going to argue that hunting animals saves people.
• But the bottom line is that killing animals is all Lion King and such. Animals kill one another for food. We kill animals for food. Circle of Life.

So, try as they might, PETA will not be able to stop that circle of life that Sir Elton John so eloquently crooned about. But I have to admit, if I have to choose between their latest ad campaign and those pictures of clubbed baby seals they were peddling long after it was illegal to whack the white wonders, I guess I'm just not going to joint the protest against PETA march this time around.